So,  I am back. No, I am not unemployed again. I am back because I actually do miss the humor and laughs I had the opportunity to share with you all.  Besides, I couldn’t dream of  anything more fun than laughing at some of the shit people post, trying to take advantage of  people desperate for work. Now…for the good stuff.

There is nothing like hitting up the UTA list interviewing, scoring a gig and thinking you’re a step closer to being “discovered”.  While you’re mentally jumping, dancing and flipping for joy, you’re best friend leans in and drops a  ton of bricks.  “Listen,  no one ever hooks up the secretary fool, they just hook up with the secretary! And at 26K a year you’ll be turning tricks at lunch to feed yourself! ” (*sigh ) If you’re like me and never one to let someone else thwart your dreams you’ll figure out a way to make that cash.  Here’s a few tips

1. Keep a diary of all the shenanigans that go down at said record label and keep multiple copies in a safe place.  You’ll need these either for law enforcement and or your book/movie deal.

2. Consider being a tipster. Calling the police and anonymously collecting reward money when you report prior knowledge of  an illegal activity ie…artists who only like to be paid in cash, calling for whores/drugs/ and dog fighting.

3. Pictures are good, Video sells a helluva lot better.

4. You don’t need need to have intercourse to get preggers! 

5. Always stay in good with wives and other assistants. Partnerships work best.

Receptionist needed for music company. Responsibilities include greeting guests in friendly, professional manner; maintaining appearance and upkeep of office; providing administrative support to staff. Must be a self-starter/quick learner with exceptional customer relations and communications skills; detail oriented with strong organizational skills; prioritize multiple tasks; ensure jobs are completed accurately, and have a desire to excel at all tasks. Salary 25k. Please submit cover letter/ resume to musicreceptionist@gmail.com. 4/6

Have you ever dreamed of traveling the world?  Wanted to live in the world famous 90210 zip code? Well you can but like the little Mermaid you’re gonna have to give something up. Ass, a social life and most likely your dignity.  Another fine couple in Beverly Hills is looking for a recent Midwestern sucker transplant to jump in an nanny for a toddler and newborn 50 hours a week.  6 weeks of that without a Zoloft prescription and you deserve a medal.

Although, if you’re a smart nanny like those of Jude Law and Ethan Hawke you’ll figure out how to use your womanly ways to usurp the woman of your household and increase your paltry 15 dollar an hour salary.  Sexing up the horny husband will help you achieve this.  If you aim real high he may just start things over with you. Not likely, but then again there is always the wrongful termination/sexual harassment lawsuit and gossiping to newspapers and neighbors about the proclivities of your former bosses.

Nanny

Date: 2010-04,
We are an agency searching for a nanny for our client. The family has a newborn and a toddler. All applicants must have at least 2 years recent nanny experience.
The position will be about 50 hours a week, mostly Monday-Friday 9am-7pm. All applicants must be flexible and able to travel. Please respond with cover letter and resume.

Location: Beverly Hills
Compensation: 15-20 an hour
Principals only. Recruiters, please don’t contact this job poster.
Please, no phone calls about this job!
Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.
Original URL: http://losangeles.craigslist.org/wst/etc/1582703807.html

The end is near people.  The pope is running from scandal, Jesse James has at least 7 mistresses, the economy is shitty and R. Kelly is still free.  All this and some pure unadulterated EVIL person  is offering ten dollars an hour to be a writer  for a “celebrity” blog.  Who the hell can live on ten bucks an hour pretax? Gas is $3.25 a gallon and a plate of surf and turf at Outback is  $14.99. You’d have to work 2 hours to pay for the food,  tax and tip.

How do they expect you to gt your Perez Hilton/MichaelK/WendyWilliams on for that?  Imagine you’re writing a review on Kimora “sasquatch” Lee Simmons and her “Fabulous Life ”  TV show.  It’s filled with private jets, gilded frames , mansions,  $600 dollar heels and high drama.  And there you are with your 7 bucks an hour after tax, sipping on a cold cup of coffee barely able to pay your cable.  Get the razorblade!  I can’t be the only one who see the irony in this job post.  100,000 dollars  in revenue on the site before you get a $1000 bonus. What is wrong with that picture? If I could reach through the computer…. You must read this nonsense. When you’ve finished please tell me you’re on our team.

Celebrity Journalist/Writer/Blogger Needed

Date: 2010-04
A new media company is seeking a fun and positive free-lance writer (not trashy tabloid style) to write about the Top 3 celebrities. You will choose your 3 favorite celebrities to cover and we will set up a separate site for each of them. Your photo and profile will be published on each of the sites as the site editor (anonymity is not an option).
Responsibilities include:
1. Keep track of your Top 3 celebrity news items via other sites and bloggers that cover them.
2. Write at least one 500 word original content article daily (We have software that can catch plagiarism so originality is a MUST).
3. Bookmark articles that others have written.
4. Find interesting YouTube videos to embed on the site.
5. Find interesting rights-cleared photos to upload to the site.
6. IMPORTANT: Must review and approve/reject comments and content submitted by the audience frequently
Your ultimate goal is to maintain the editorial voice of a fan site and make each of your sites the most trafficked site for the celebrity on the internet.
Compensation:
- $10 per 500 words for original articles
- $10 per hour for finding articles to bookmark, photos to upload and YouTube videos to embed (max 1 hour per day)
- $10 per hour for reviewing and approving content that the audience submits (spread out throughout the day but payment will be for max 1 hour per day)
Bonus:
- $.001 per unique visitor per month (e.g. If your sites get 100,000 visitors per month, your bonus will be $100 per month), plus
- 1% of site revenue (e.g. If the site makes $100,000 per month, your bonus will be $1000 per month)
To apply, for the role, please answer these questions via e-mail and attach your resume:
1. Which are the Top 3 celebrities you would like to cover and why?
2. Please send us links to other articles you have written and published.
3. Please send us a photo of yourself and a 100 word editorial profile as you would like it to appear on the website.
Note: All information will be kept confidential until a candidate is selected.

Location: Anywhere
Compensation: $10 per hour + $10 per 500 words + Monthly Bonus
Telecommuting is ok.
This is a part-time job.
This is a contract job.
This is an internship job
OK to highlight this job opening for persons with disabilities
Principals only. Recruiters, please don’t contact this job poster.
Please, no phone calls about this job!
Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.
OK to contact me about appearing in CL documentary series

If people knew they’d have better odds and earn better money as an extra working on a national commercial Central Casting would have security tighter than an NBA play off game. Then again you also have better luck earning money as a manager at Dave & Busters. And at least you can get drunk for free and play Dance Revolution with your coworkers.  Scrooge a character that lives through the ages and even lives on Hollywood.  Apparently, as an A-List actor/comedian with a TV show and a comedy tour can’t afford to pay you benefits but will work your ass to death. Oh President Obama see why we needed that healthcare. Even rich famous people won’t let us have coverage for our eyes, teeth or bones.  The rest of you ….Actor/comedian with television show and upcoming national stand up comedy tour is looking for a full time personal assistant. Duties would include general administrative assistance, on location PA work, and some personal type of errands. Position may entail extensive travel and 6 day work weeks. Candidate must be very organized and internet savvy. Competitive pay. No benefits. Please send resume and cover letter to karenXXXXXX@yahoo.com. 3/23

upscale sober living manager (female)

Date: 2010-02-06, 7:39PM

Live in house manager for high-end female sober living house in Santa Monica, CA. Private bedroom (with linens) and bathroom. Drivers license required and ability to drive company car. Hours flexible to work around part time job (20 hours or less) or school schedule. Females only. No pets or children. Must have at least 2 years clean and sober, a relationship with a sponsor and attend meetings regularly. Must be willing to submit to UA and to UA clients as part of responsibilities. Will work as part of team with owners, community coordinator and other three house managers. Call Venera at 310-351-XXXX. Thank you.

Hiring Organization: Legacy

Location: santa monica, ca

Compensation: room and board – salary to be discussed

This job post really made me want to become an “e-thug” and send a barrage of hate mail to this casting director.  I know actin a hot “Kool-Aid  mess” isn’t exactly the most appropriate “Internet“ etiquette, but when someone posts a job ad trying to cast a “documentary” and asks you to move to another country for free I get a little riled up.  I mean they don’t even offer a stipend to get your passport,  immunizations or luggage.

Even the people on Intervention get to go to rehab after hitting the pipe on camera for a few weeks.    I almost choked at the line “After working for 90 days, you and the rest of the team will pack up and decide if you want to keep traveling together. “ Is the group pooling money now?  Free ? In this damn economy?  I am gonna go  have a Coke, a smile and a seat now. You get your backpack and finish reading.  Cast needed – Travel documentary in Quito, Ecuador

Date: 2010-03

Jet Set Zero: A jet set lifestyle on zero dollars.

This is a story about leaving your life behind to live, work, and travel in foreign cultures. You’ll live your life immersed in the local experience, documenting your journey, and then moving on to the next location – all in 90 days.

We have multiple positions open on the cast of our upcoming season in Quito, Ecuador.

The Basics

We’re looking for passionate adventurers (no previous travel experience necessary), who are willing to hop on a plane and arrive in Quito, Ecuador to meet 3 strangers they will travel with for the next 3-9 months. Once in Quito, we’ll document your story as you and the other travelers work to find housing, jobs and build a life for yourself. After working for 90 days, you and the rest of the team will pack up and decide if you want to keep traveling together. If so, you’ll head on to the next location of the group’s choosing.

Documentation

Your departure to Ecuador, the job and housing search, local experiences, trips, relationships, dates–your life– will all be filmed by a dedicated producer who will work with our US team to make sure that we capture the most important parts of your story. You will also be responsible for writing about, photographing, and filming your experiences as well as updating your story on the website (jetsetzero.tv). This is an amazing opportunity to tell your unique travel stories and adventures, but we will only consider applicants that demonstrate a willingness to share their lives with complete openness. If you are not comfortable with the thought of someone filming you haggling with a local street vendor, going on a date, or working a job then this isn’t the position for you.

Being on the cast is an intense, and often difficult experience, but we can promise that there is no other travel experience or story quite like this in the world.

Important

Filming starts the first week of April.

As a cast member, this position is completely unpaid; self-funded travel and local work are both critical parts of the experience and show.

We are looking to confirm these positions as soon as possible, so applying early is in your best interest.

Apply

Step one of the application process is to send us an email detailing why this is the position for you and what makes you the perfect fit for this adventure. Get creative. Send us any additional stories, writing samples, photographs, videos (or links to videos) that will help us understand why you will be able to tell this story better than anyone else.

Blogging, writing, photography, and videography are all excellent (though not required) skills. If you have one of these, make sure to include some samples of your work.

If you’re feeling ambitious and are sure you’ll make it to round two of the application process then film a video introducing us to who you are and why you should be on the next cast of Jet Set Zero.

Send any and all materials to jobs@jetsetzero.tv

Location: International

Compensation: upaid.

Principals only. Recruiters, please don’t contact this job poster.

Please, no phone calls about this job!

Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

OK to contact me about appearing in CL documentary series

Pirates of the Carribean 5 and  Guess Who’s playing Jack Sparrow? Your unemployed ass! If there was a ever a job that made you wanna pick up that razor blade or sit in the garage with the car running after swallowing a fist full of Xanax…. Okay, so maybe I am being a little extreme.  But for single young people in the world just trying to pay your damn loans off and live a little, the idea of changing baby diapers and dealing with kids from  6 weeks to 5 months old makes keeps you on those knees praying that congress extends your Funemployment benefits or working your magic for a financially stacked athlete.  Why oh why has it come to this?  There are  worse things in the world right? Someone help me think of one or two…

Beach Babies is NOW HIRING!

Date: 2010-03
Beach Babies is Now Hiring Teachers and Teacher’s Aides!!!!
We are currently looking for outgoing individuals to uphold our reputation of excellence! We have exciting opportunities to work with children 6 weeks to 5 years old. We offer excellent pay and benefits including vacation, sick, & holiday pay as well as health and dental coverage. Along with excellence in our preschool environment we offer low ratios so there is less stress on the job and much more ability to give love and guidance to the children.
We are currently hiring at all three of our centers. Positions available include Teacher’s Aides and Teachers. Experience with infants is a plus!! Qualified individuals must have a positive disposition and love working with children. Positions include part-time working 5 half days or full time working 3 full days and 2 half days. MUST BE AVAILABLE M-F!!
Qualified teachers will have at least 6 ECE or Child Dev. Units and some experience. Interested candidates should submit your resume and salary requests to the email below to the center you would like to apply to.
Interested candidates should submit your resume and salary requests to the email below or call the center you would like to apply at. Thank you for your interest.Location: El Segundo, Manhattan Beach

Compensation: $8-9 T.As $9-12 Teachers
Principals only. Recruiters, please don’t contact this job poster.
Please, no phone calls about this job!
Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.
Original URL: http://losangeles.craigslist.org/wst/edu/1586034264.html

The bitch is back!! Mmmhmm… and apparently the world of job posts hasn’t changed very much. See below.  So much for letting people have their dignity in these ads! That’s overrated anyway. You want food on your table and money in your pocket?  Or do you want your pride and a growling belly?  There is no such thing as a happy medium.  This job will have you standing outside the  liquor grocery  in our Sunny Southern California 80 degree weather begging for signatures for things you probably haven’t even heard of and definitely don’t agree with.  But, at up to $200.00 bucks a day you’re bound to get creative. You’ll start to stand outside of free clinics, jails,  night clubs and frat houses. A guaranteed way to get people to sign in a hurry.  Of course with these places you’ll have to watch out for duplicate signatures a lot of ass clowns play musical chairs between the spots.  P.S.  Does poor grammar/spelling in an ad that pays decent money make you a little suspicious?

ARE YOU BROKE? BUSTED? OR JUST DOWN AND DISGUSTED??? (LOS ANGELES/SOUTH BAY/WESTSIDE)
Date: 2010-03
Reply to: see below

ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT YOUR MORTGAGE? YOUR RENT? NOT SURE HOW YOUR GOING TO MAKE YOUR CAR PAYMENT?

ARE YOU INTERESTED IN GETTING PAID FOR COLLECTING SIGNATURES ON CALIFORNIA INITIATIVES?

WE NEED HELP IN LOS ANGELES ESPECIALLY.

ALL LOS ANGELES HELP NEEDED. (SOUTH BAY, WESTSIDE, CENTRAL L.A., DOWNTOWN…ETC.)

YOUR PAY DEPENDS ON HOW MOTIVATED YOU ARE. POTENTIAL IS THERE FOR $200 OR MORE PER DAY!
.
CALL 562.449.XXXX

NEW HIREE ORIENTATION AT 6PM!

CALL IF YOU WANT TO BE PAID PER SIGNATURE FOR PETITIONS AND WORK ANYWHERE IN L. A. COUNTY.

NO EXPERIENCE NECESSARY. WE WILL TRAIN YOU. THOSE THAT ARE EXPERIENCED… YOU KNOW WHAT’S UP.
THIS IS THE BUSINESS. GET IN ON THE FAST MONEY!

NEED HIGHLY MOTIVATED PEOPLE IN LOS ANGELES/SOUTHBAY/WESTSIDE AREAS!

PAID 2X’S A WEEK!

ORIENTATION TODAY IN TORRANCE.

SIGNATURE GATHERING PAID PER SIGNATURE. FREE TRAINING.

CALL TODAY 562.449.XXXX

•Location: LOS ANGELES/SOUTH BAY/WESTSIDE
•Compensation: : $500-$1000.00 OR MORE PER WEEK
•Telecommuting is ok.
•This is a part-time job.

PostingID: 1582703584

As we head into this blessed MLK weekend let us look to the pages of Craigslist to reflect on stereotypes.  I mean why post a casting call when you can head to any check cashing spot in East LA and find guys like this. Nothing like a Latino minstrel show to get us all going. George Lopez are you out there?  I digress… Aside from the glaringly obvious… where the hell is the pay? Nothing like money to get people shucking and jiving. *jazz hands… I am sorry I meant being a ” Gangsta homes” * in vato voice   Yeah guess you’ll only be embarassing yourself for a slice of pizza and a diet coke.  But at least you’ll have a digital copy of your shenanigans on tape to show the masses. 

Casting Call: Old Gangsters and Hispanic Father and Son (Los Angeles)
Date: 2010-01
Reply to: job-xxxxxxxx@craigslist.org

Gray Tower Production is casting:

MEN AGE 50′s-70′s for dramatic short, possible feature. A couple of old school east coast gangsters living in L.A. They are sent out on a deadly mission and learn that they aren’t as young as they used to be.
LATINO MEN AGE 30′s- 50′s A father and son are suddenly and tragically killed by an aging gangster.
LATINO BOYS AGE 10-15 for dramatic short. A father and son are suddenly and tragically killed by an aging gangster.

*Father and Son would preferably be able to speak spanish, but not necessary.

A ten minute short, looking to be expanded into a feature film. Non Union. Being shot on HD. Food and transportation expenses during production will be covered. Opportunity to work with talented young filmmakers on their way up.

* Location: Los Angeles
* Compensation: Credit/Copy
* Principals only. Recruiters, please don’t contact this job poster.
* Please, no phone calls about this job!
* Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.