So, I am back. No, I am not unemployed again. I am back because I actually do miss the humor and laughs I had the opportunity to share with you all. Besides, I couldn’t dream of anything more fun than laughing at some of the shit people post, trying to take advantage of people desperate for work. Now…for the good stuff.
There is nothing like hitting up the UTA list interviewing, scoring a gig and thinking you’re a step closer to being “discovered”. While you’re mentally jumping, dancing and flipping for joy, you’re best friend leans in and drops a ton of bricks. “Listen, no one ever hooks up the secretary fool, they just hook up with the secretary! And at 26K a year you’ll be turning tricks at lunch to feed yourself! ” (*sigh ) If you’re like me and never one to let someone else thwart your dreams you’ll figure out a way to make that cash. Here’s a few tips
1. Keep a diary of all the shenanigans that go down at said record label and keep multiple copies in a safe place. You’ll need these either for law enforcement and or your book/movie deal.
2. Consider being a tipster. Calling the police and anonymously collecting reward money when you report prior knowledge of an illegal activity ie…artists who only like to be paid in cash, calling for whores/drugs/ and dog fighting.
3. Pictures are good, Video sells a helluva lot better.
4. You don’t need need to have intercourse to get preggers! Keep reading →
Have you ever dreamed of traveling the world? Wanted to live in the world famous 90210 zip code? Well you can but like the little Mermaid you’re gonna have to give something up. Ass, a social life and most likely your dignity. Another fine couple in Beverly Hills is looking for a recent Midwestern sucker transplant to jump in an nanny for a toddler and newborn 50 hours a week. 6 weeks of that without a Zoloft prescription and you deserve a medal.
Although, if you’re a smart nanny like those of Jude Law and Ethan Hawke you’ll figure out how to use your womanly ways to usurp the woman of your household and increase your paltry 15 dollar an hour salary. Sexing up the horny husband will help you achieve this. If you aim real high he may just start things over with you. Not likely, but then again there is always the wrongful termination/sexual harassment lawsuit and gossiping to newspapers and neighbors about the proclivities of your former bosses. Keep reading →
The end is near people. The pope is running from scandal, Jesse James has at least 7 mistresses, the economy is shitty and R. Kelly is still free. All this and some pure unadulterated EVIL person is offering ten dollars an hour to be a writer for a “celebrity” blog. Who the hell can live on ten bucks an hour pretax? Gas is $3.25 a gallon and a plate of surf and turf at Outback is $14.99. You’d have to work 2 hours to pay for the food, tax and tip.
How do they expect you to gt your Perez Hilton/MichaelK/WendyWilliams on for that? Imagine you’re writing a review on Kimora “sasquatch” Lee Simmons and her “Fabulous Life ” TV show. It’s filled with private jets, gilded frames , mansions, $600 dollar heels and high drama. And there you are with your 7 bucks an hour after tax, sipping on a cold cup of coffee barely able to pay your cable. Get the razorblade! I can’t be the only one who see the irony in this job post. 100,000 dollars in revenue on the site before you get a $1000 bonus. What is wrong with that picture? If I could reach through the computer…. You must read this nonsense. When you’ve finished please tell me you’re on our team. Keep reading →
If people knew they’d have better odds and earn better money as an extra working on a national commercial Central Casting would have security tighter than an NBA play off game. Then again you also have better luck earning money as a manager at Dave & Busters. And at least you can get drunk for free and play Dance Revolution with your coworkers. Scrooge a character that lives through the ages and even lives on Hollywood. Apparently, as an A-List actor/comedian with a TV show and a comedy tour can’t afford to pay you benefits but will work your ass to death. Oh President Obama see why we needed that healthcare. Even rich famous people won’t let us have coverage for our eyes, teeth or bones. The rest of you …. Keep reading →
Umm does anyone know any young college girls who want to live in a house full of drug addicts for a free room? Hell to the no!! Nothing like walking down the hall to get a glass of water in your panties and bra at 4am before being attacked by a guy who thinks he’s a super hero. Next thing you know you’re having morning meetings with the other house managers who blame you for everything. “If you didn’t feed his ass after midnight none of this would have happened!” And to think all of this trouble for a free room, a fresh pair of “linens” and trying to help your fellow man. Tara Reid, Lindsay Lohan , Kristen Cavalari they’re looking for a few good girls! Keep reading →
This job post really made me want to become an “e-thug” and send a barrage of hate mail to this casting director. I know actin a hot “Kool-Aid mess” isn’t exactly the most appropriate “Internet“ etiquette, but when someone posts a job ad trying to cast a “documentary” and asks you to move to another country for free I get a little riled up. I mean they don’t even offer a stipend to get your passport, immunizations or luggage.
Even the people on Intervention get to go to rehab after hitting the pipe on camera for a few weeks. I almost choked at the line “After working for 90 days, you and the rest of the team will pack up and decide if you want to keep traveling together. “ Is the group pooling money now? Free ? In this damn economy? I am gonna go have a Coke, a smile and a seat now. You get your backpack and finish reading. Keep reading →
Pirates of the Carribean 5 and Guess Who’s playing Jack Sparrow? Your unemployed ass! If there was a ever a job that made you wanna pick up that razor blade or sit in the garage with the car running after swallowing a fist full of Xanax…. Okay, so maybe I am being a little extreme. But for single young people in the world just trying to pay your damn loans off and live a little, the idea of changing baby diapers and dealing with kids from 6 weeks to 5 months old makes keeps you on those knees praying that congress extends your Funemployment benefits or working your magic for a financially stacked athlete. Why oh why has it come to this? There are worse things in the world right? Someone help me think of one or two… Keep reading →
The bitch is back!! Mmmhmm… and apparently the world of job posts hasn’t changed very much. See below. So much for letting people have their dignity in these ads! That’s overrated anyway. You want food on your table and money in your pocket? Or do you want your pride and a growling belly? There is no such thing as a happy medium. This job will have you standing outside the liquor grocery in our Sunny Southern California 80 degree weather begging for signatures for things you probably haven’t even heard of and definitely don’t agree with. But, at up to $200.00 bucks a day you’re bound to get creative. You’ll start to stand outside of free clinics, jails, night clubs and frat houses. A guaranteed way to get people to sign in a hurry. Of course with these places you’ll have to watch out for duplicate signatures a lot of ass clowns play musical chairs between the spots. P.S. Does poor grammar/spelling in an ad that pays decent money make you a little suspicious?
ARE YOU BROKE? BUSTED? OR JUST DOWN AND DISGUSTED??? (LOS ANGELES/SOUTH BAY/WESTSIDE)
Date: 2010-03
Reply to: see below Keep reading →
As we head into this blessed MLK weekend let us look to the pages of Craigslist to reflect on stereotypes. I mean why post a casting call when you can head to any check cashing spot in East LA and find guys like this. Nothing like a Latino minstrel show to get us all going. George Lopez are you out there? I digress… Aside from the glaringly obvious… where the hell is the pay? Nothing like money to get people shucking and jiving. *jazz hands… I am sorry I meant being a ” Gangsta homes” * in vato voice Yeah guess you’ll only be embarassing yourself for a slice of pizza and a diet coke. But at least you’ll have a digital copy of your shenanigans on tape to show the masses. Keep reading →
